she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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