Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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