Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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