is your mom at the bar?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
