yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
