Life is so much better after having sex.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
