DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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