Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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