I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
