Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
