i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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