I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
