I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
