My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
