saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
