i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
