you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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