1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
