my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
