We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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