I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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