Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
