hell yes lets make some ravioli
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
