Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
