Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
