did you get engaged???
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Randomize
