What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
