either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
