I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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