her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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