I wish i was in the wii world.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
