She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
