my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
