nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
