There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
