is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
