Your face is a jimmy john
she looked like the before picture.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
