After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
