the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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