I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
