I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
