I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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