Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
