Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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