This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
