I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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