We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
