If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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