Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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