Got a toothbrush?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize