he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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