trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
