We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
